Bleeding Espresso

4 December 2009

Why I Would Want to Live There

Last night as my mom, niece, and I were leaving a restaurant (Italian, mind you), my mom stopped to talk with one of her former coworkers who happened to be seated nearby. My mom introduced me and mentioned I live in Italy.

“Why would you want to live there?” she responded.

I was beyond taken aback by the question. I know not everyone feels the desire to live and experience other cultures, but really? Why would I want to live in Italy? REALLY?

Completely baffled, I blanked but quickly blurted out, “Because I love it!” It wasn’t until later that I sat and thought about it. Of course I have lots of practical reasons I choose to live in Italy, including but not limited to the following:

Paolo and all my fur babies
Fresh delicious food (much of it from our own garden)
The laidback lifestyle where I’m not pressured to have the latest gadget, iFillintheblank, etc.
Living minutes from the sea and mountains
Being surrounded by amazing history, culture, and beauty
Pretty nice weather year-round
How much healthier I feel since living there

But you know what? “Because I love it!” really sums it up best after all. It’s difficult to put my happiness and overwhelming sense of feeling I’m in the right place at the right time into words, spoken or written, but I know I feel it, and that is what’s important.

And as it turns out, that random, unexpected question really came at an interesting point during my first trip to America in nearly six years; I’m about two weeks in with another four to go, and I can honestly say I *know* I love (and miss) my life in Italy. There’s still a lot to process about this trip, but I’m grateful that I was pushed to explore at least some of that while I’m still living it.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m certainly enjoying my visit in the U.S. — this crazy Coal Region will always be home — but I have a new home I love now too.

And that’s reason enough for me to live there.

P.S. Buon compleanno to my amore (31) and to Bleeding Espresso (3)!

52 beans of wisdom »

52 beans of wisdom to “Why I Would Want to Live There”

coffeejitters (Judy Haley) on 04 Dec 2009 at 7:26 am #

that first reason is definitely reason enough. but the rest of the reasons are amazing too.

We’re hoping that once hubby finishes his schooling we’ll be able to transplant to Europe for a while. He’s even considering a school in Scotland for his Ph.D. {hope.} We just have to find a way to feed and house our little family while we do all this.
coffeejitters (Judy Haley)´s last blog ..Daddy’s Boots
Salena Lettera on 04 Dec 2009 at 7:37 am #

I think “Because I love it!” is a great reason. I’m glad to hear you’re having a good time in the states…would love to hear more about your trip and I’d love to see pictures of your home town. Also – love the picture in this post.
Gill on 04 Dec 2009 at 8:04 am #

I was only in Italy for a week this Summer, but I totally get why you would want to live there. I fell in love
Diana Strinati Baur on 04 Dec 2009 at 8:08 am #

cara I would *love* to talk to you about this personally at some point. I had my first trip back in four years in May.

I might have to steal your iFillintheBlank. THAT is my new favorite saying as of today.
Diana Strinati Baur´s last blog ..Construction Photos: 9th Day
Tina on 04 Dec 2009 at 8:30 am #

Sounds like her asking you that question was meant to be. See how it made you think? I love it too! And I totally relate on the healthier feeling.
Tina´s last blog ..Tina Writes All Over the Place
Vivi on 04 Dec 2009 at 8:34 am #

I’ve gotten the same reaction, too, as if France is the third world. I have to really bite my tongue sometimes and not say something derogatory!
Vivi´s last blog ..Thanksgiving Weekend
Kim B. on 04 Dec 2009 at 8:59 am #

I can imagine exactly the same question from some folks back at MY home. People are so insular sometimes!

Happy birthday to P and the blog!
Kim B.´s last blog ..Why My Brother Doesn’t (or shouldn’t) Have a Blog
Gil on 04 Dec 2009 at 9:01 am #

“Why would you want to live there?” she responded. Talking about getting sucker punched (being polite)!!! It seems to me that you have plenty of reasons thanks to you being you. Have a few purple pickled eggs and a vitamin Y or two for me.
nyc/caribbean ragazza on 04 Dec 2009 at 9:02 am #

Ms. Fabio I hear you.

I’ve been told I should move back to L.A. for my career. I thought about what I would have to give up here. No can do.

It’s strange she said it that way. Has she ever been out of the country?

Buon compleanno to P and happy blogversary!
nyc/caribbean ragazza´s last blog ..Flashback Friday – Jackson 5 "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"
Cherrye at My Bella Vita on 04 Dec 2009 at 9:18 am #

I have to say, Michelle, that was a crazy rude comment that woman made. I am almost at a loss because I can’t imagine asking anyone that (like that) regardless of where they live, but your “because I love it” was perfect. It is hard to put in words because many of the “reasons” we give about why we love Italy could be true for many other countries, as well. I hope her comment didn’t aggravate you-and damper your night.
Cherrye at My Bella Vita´s last blog ..My Biggest Expat-in-Italy Fear Revealed: What is Yours?
Sonia P on 04 Dec 2009 at 9:34 am #

Oh Michelle… you’re answer was right on the money! That lady has – a) never been to Italy or b) came and walked around blind only looking for her American comforts (ie. McDonalds)

I had a similar experience before I left with someone asking me (in a rude manner too) ‘Why would you want to move there?’ I tried to be nice but the only answer I had was (also bluntly put) was… “Well, because it’s beautiful, my husband’s contract is up… and oh.. it’s sure beats living in Dallas!” I love Torino!
Sonia P´s last blog ..It REALLY is beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!
Michele on 04 Dec 2009 at 10:37 am #

Maybe it’s a regional thing. Everyone from New England where I am from is EXTREMELY jealous. I have to be the one to wake them up and say “yeah it’s not all it’s cracked up to be all the time, dolce vita being fiction and all”.
Michele´s last blog ..Etna Tasting at Accademia dei Palati
Eleonora on 04 Dec 2009 at 10:37 am #

When I used to go visit my dad in California years ago, I’d get that question a lot. Nowadays Italy is so in fashion, that everyone I meet who finds out I live here, swoons and says “I wish I did too.”
Perhaps the woman who stirred your thoughts (wonderful involuntary gift she did to you, btw) has never traveled out of her microcosm, and she was intimidated by your opposite cosmopolitan independence and freedom.

Have a great trip and thank you for sharing the lovely reasons for your love for your Italian home.

Ciao
Lola xx
Eleonora´s last blog ..Orange Salad? Si!
Loulou on 04 Dec 2009 at 10:52 am #

The same thing has happened to me!
Last year in New Orleans we were chatting with some people in a bar and when they asked where I lived, I replied, “in France.”
The man said, “France? I hate France! Why would you want to live there?!” I calmly responded, “Have you ever been to France?”
His response…
“Well, no.”

I looked at my friend and my friend looked at me and we got up and moved to different seats.
Loulou´s last blog ..Photo du Jour – French Mushrooms
Vanessa on 04 Dec 2009 at 12:01 pm #

Wow that is pretty rude and also, pretty rare to hear (thank God!). I’m about to go home for 5 weeks (leaving in 4 hours) and have only ever received positive comments about living in Italy. Naturally from people who don’t have to LIVE in Italy and deal with the crazy random stuff here!! But even people who fought there is the war rave about how great a place Italy was. WOuld love to hear more about ‘that woman and her comment’ of your Mom can fill you in!! Enjoy the rest of your trip.
Marla on 04 Dec 2009 at 12:19 pm #

Enjoy your trip, 6 years is a long time and I am sure there are some striking cultural shocks to your system on your visit. I can say unequivocally, “ditto” to your list of reasons to Love your life here. I think sometimes that it’s just a matter of education(ie experience) that makes some people respond so surprisingly to the thought of living outside the “norm”. I usually get the question, don’t you miss America? My response is that I miss the people I love and sometimes the “convenience” America affords, but I love my life as is and all the wonderful surprises it brings. I know you and all the other ex pats who have written here, do too. Viva la difference!
Lisa on 04 Dec 2009 at 12:33 pm #

A perfect reason to want to live anywhere, but especially in Italia. Not everyone can say that about where they call home.

Buon Compleanno a P e Buon Anniversario a Bleeding Espresso!
Lisa´s last blog ..fine motor skills
Jennifer Rafferty on 04 Dec 2009 at 12:52 pm #

I was far healthier when I was in Italy too. And it was only for two weeks. One might say, “But you were on a vacation, of course you were healthier.” There was much more to it than being on vacation. It was the general pace of life, the time taken out for sitting at the table with family for meals. I longed for that experience after having lived it for 2 years in Spain. I hope that some day I will be fortunate enough to have my Italian citizenship so I can be there just like you, Michelle!
Scicchi on 04 Dec 2009 at 12:59 pm #

“Crazy Coal Region” sums it up nicely While that surely doesn’t describe the general attitude around here, I think there is a fine line between pride in where you are from, and arrogance. A line that gets blurred a bit too often around here.

Enjoy the rest of your visit!!!
anna l'americana on 04 Dec 2009 at 1:35 pm #

Hmmmm….Coal Country, Italy….Coal Country, Italy….

I can see where that lady might have been momentarily confused (nothing against your hometown of course)……
anna l’americana´s last blog ..Cupid’s Arrow….
Lisa at Wanderlust Women on 04 Dec 2009 at 2:30 pm #

‘Giorno, Michelle.
Obviously that woman hasn’t traveled much for anyone who’s ever been to the south of Italy and not fallen in love must be as cold as the statues of Pompei. We should all follow our own bliss in life (there I go getting all Jos. Campbell) and you are lucky to have found yours.
And Buon Compleanno Bleeding Espresso.
baaaaaahhhhhh, the goats are calling
Lisa at Wanderlust Women´s last blog ..Wanderlust women travel solo to Tuscany’s La Maremma – che bella spiaggia
Miss Footloose on 04 Dec 2009 at 2:45 pm #

Michelle, some people’s ignorance is astounding and their talent for being rude really boggles the mind. I used to write romance novels and people would tell me to my face, “oh, I don’t read that trash.”

And why would anyone want to live in Italy? Good lord, this person who asked you must live in a very, very tiny universe.
John Delconte on 04 Dec 2009 at 3:18 pm #

You forgot socialized medicine.

Are you coming down south? I’ll be in Pittston over Christmas. Would love to get together for an espresso to discuss that coal/Italy thing.
LuLu on 04 Dec 2009 at 3:19 pm #

You have said it best. It is strange to try and explain something that just seems to make so much sense to you. I still haven’t been able to find the right words to explain the feeling I feel in Italy compared to the feeling I feel living in Canada. Even though I don’t live in Italy….yet….I can definitely relate! Glad you are enjoying your vacation in the U.S!!! And Auguri to P and the blog!!
LuLu´s last blog ..Father and Daughter
Rachel @ boots in the oven on 04 Dec 2009 at 3:41 pm #

“Because I love it!” is the best reason! The rest is all justification, right? I remember while we were preparing for our year in Italy, a waitress who saw my research books saying “But they don’t even have SUPERMARKETS there!” I guess people have all sorts of perceptions…

E buoni compleanni!
Rachel @ boots in the oven´s last blog ..A Couple of Boudin Stops in Southwest Louisiana
Ciaochowlinda on 04 Dec 2009 at 3:42 pm #

It does sound like the way she asked was rude. But I can understand someone who’s never traveled outside the U.S. being curious but maybe phrasing it “What made you decide to live in Italy?” instead of the way she did. Your answer was perfect.
Ciaochowlinda´s last blog ..Salmone al Cartoccio
Melanie on 04 Dec 2009 at 4:09 pm #

I think that people who respond in this way are not necessarily ignorant, but jealous. What she meant to say is, “why don’t you live HERE in the U.S., which is, you know, the greatest country in the world?”

We’re currently back living in the U.S., but we’ll be posted overseas again. The country where we live is not always our choice, but we do choose the lifestyle. It’s hard, but it’s enriching. And, I think a lot of people have trouble contemplating that life in the U.S. – or some aspects of it – are not the ideal.

I love being back in the U.S. because I’m near old friends and family. And lots of bits of Americana are fun. But I do feel that there’s something about living in the U.S. that can be alienating, e.g. car culture, mega-super-marts, etc.

Enjoy your time back, as I’m sure you’ll have some reverse-homesickness once you go back to Italy.
Melanie´s last blog ..Five Favorites: Lucca
Yvonne, My Halal Kitchen on 04 Dec 2009 at 4:24 pm #

Ciao Michelle,

I’m sure you know this, but misery loves company and it’s often hard for others to be happy for you when they haven’t found happiness for themselves. Maybe that was the case with the woman who asked you, maybe not- regardless, I love your answer because it’s so completely honest. How many of us have had the courage to leave our ‘comfort zones’, albeit unhappy ones, to take a leap of faith and risk the fact that they might just be happy afterwards?

I enjoy your blog and not only live vicariously through your stories, but am motivated to work towards my own goal of finding out why happiness truly means to me–and where. Thank you so much for sharing…

Yvonne
Carey on 04 Dec 2009 at 4:54 pm #

Everywhere I visit sparks daydreams of what it would be like to live there!!! Sometimes just places I read about!
ally bean on 04 Dec 2009 at 5:01 pm #

Your answer to the nosy woman was perfect. When I’m asked intrusive questions I usually say, “because I can.” It shuts people up, but is lacking in the grace and tact that you demonstrated.
The Food Hunter on 04 Dec 2009 at 5:54 pm #

You had the perfect answer to the craziest question ever!
The Food Hunter´s last blog ..Product Review & Giveaway
joe@italyville on 04 Dec 2009 at 6:26 pm #

Auguri to you both! I guess moving away from what’s always been familiar to some people (those who are born, raised and never go anywhere) is scary or strange but I feel sorry for those people because they never get to experience new places, people or things. I think we all know people like that… to each their own I guess.
Carole on 04 Dec 2009 at 6:45 pm #

Questions like that are needed to help us realized that we’ve made the right choices.
Auguri on the blog & a P.
Rosina DeSantis on 04 Dec 2009 at 7:34 pm #

Some people are very narrow minded.
Enjoy your visit with your family and Happy Birthday to your honey!
I love Italy too! That’s enough reason to live there!
Have a wonderful Day!
Anali on 04 Dec 2009 at 7:55 pm #

I thought that most everyone had a fantasy of living in Italy at some point. I can definitely see why you’d want to live there!

Enjoy your trip back here in the states. If you’ll be in the Boston area at all, I hope you look me up! ; )
Anali´s last blog ..Turkey Leftovers: Curried Pesto With Turkey & Radiatori
girasoli on 04 Dec 2009 at 9:43 pm #

Good for you. That was the perfect response to her silly and in my opinion insulting question. I am guessing your answer probably threw her off a little. What did she mean by “there”? Was she relating Italy or the town you live in as some sort of dungeon? Obviously she has never been to Italy or if she has, she was not able to get past Italy not being just the same as the US. I feel sorry for those that have never allowed themselves to explore and enjoy other cultures.
girasoli´s last blog ..a word cloud of my recent blog posts
yael on 05 Dec 2009 at 8:47 am #

Good for you! Your answer was perfect. I know exactly what you mean though- I am an American living in Israel for the past 30 years and many people back in the States still don’t understand ( or even want to understand) what I’m doing here or why I would want to live here. Because “I love it” is the best answer!
Judith in Umbria on 05 Dec 2009 at 12:03 pm #

I think it is not “here” she doesn’t get, but “anywhere” except what she knows. Thank goodness not all Americans are isolationists, but many are. They don’t even “get” New York. Or Atlanta. Or anything that isn’t what they are used to and therefore predictible.

After 9 sometimes grueling years here, I have to say the quality of life is higher– and the prices, too!
Judith in Umbria´s last blog ..I have already burned all that wood
George Maffeu on 05 Dec 2009 at 5:59 pm #

A better question is “Why would you want to live in the USA”?
Life in America is superficial, with all the materialistic trappings, comforts of TV, malls, fast foods, keeping up with the Jones, and no human contacts, neighbors hardly know each other—there is
no appreciation for music, no passion for la bella vita,people are obsessed with money and cars, not relationshios, –America is
such a litiguous nation of lawsuits, movie/tv idol worships, and
racial divide is still existent–so much crime in all the big cities–people are sheltered in their cocoon suburbs with SUV’s, prevalent drugs, ill-mannered children, no respect in sociiety, and
churches are sterile of moral decay–
I ‘m moving to Italy—
Jeni Hill Ertmer on 05 Dec 2009 at 6:59 pm #

I think that question should have been answered directly with another question -”WHy WOULDN’T a person want to live there?” With the “there” being pretty much almost any other country! Don’t get me wrong -I love living here in central Penna. and all that this area holds is great by me but boy, the only reason I can think of that would make me NOT want to live in Calabria, Italy, or Glasgow, Scotland, or Bolstad, Sweden, or oh, London, Prague, Berlin, Lisbon, Buenos Aires, Rio de Janario, Australia, Japan, China, India -or probably anyplace except maybe Antartica, (sp) would be that I’d be so far away from my children and grandchildren, ya know!
To be able to scenes as lovely as that photo you posted here -well, my goodness, that should be answer enough to that person, don’t ‘cha agree?
Jeni Hill Ertmer´s last blog ..The Push Is On
Esme on 05 Dec 2009 at 7:03 pm #

That is an odd comment…my response is why would you not live there? Some people are only comfortable with what is familiar to them. Did you read the verdict on the American student? I was in the bank when I saw the headlines on TV.
Esme´s last blog ..A Gift from My Secret Santa and Apple Sauce
Susan on 05 Dec 2009 at 8:57 pm #

Ok Michelle- I am officially jealous! I want you to know that I live there (in Italy) through your posts! Thanks for sharing it all with us! Great to have you home in the USA for a short while. Happy Holidays…
Susan´s last blog ..My French Onion Soup For the:2nd Annual O Foods Contest for Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month
Kristin on 07 Dec 2009 at 3:24 pm #

I think it’s a perfectly, wonderful answer! You SHOULD love where you live!! Not many people I know can pick up their entire life and move to a place where they don’t really even know the language … based simply on an intuitive feeling that it will be great. And, it was.
Bleeding Espresso » Book Giveaway: 100 Places in Italy Every Woman Should Go on 07 Dec 2009 at 3:48 pm #

[...] Last post, I tried to explain a bit about why I might possibly want to live in Italy–and by the way, thank you all *so* much for all the wonderful, kind, and supportive comments and insights! [...]
girasoli on 08 Dec 2009 at 10:45 am #

I was thinking more about this post. Friends asked me for years and years when I was going to move back to Massachusetts and what it was like to be back *home* when I would go back to there for a visit. I would try to explain, especially after living in Hawaii for 15-20 years that Massachusetts is not my home. Hawaii IS home to me. It was a hard concept for some of my friends to understand. They finally stopped asking though a few years ago. I think they gave up on me. Even my sister-in-law thinks of Hawaii as almost like a foreign country. And my friends here in Hawaii cannot understand why I keep going back to Italy every summer for vacation. They ask why I don’t go to Las Vegas (the most popular vacation spot for people from Hawaii) or some other place in the US instead. I guess there are those that are up for new experiences and those that need that familiarity and close proximity to where they grew up to feel at home.

Thanks for sharing this; I think some of us just enjoy being different too…like even if I had stayed in the area I grew up in, I wouldn’t have gotten married in the church, done the reception where EVERYONE does it, etc….I guess I just took this to an extreme by moving continents
girasoli´s last blog ..“curved”~ PhotoHunt
Jenn AKA The Leftover Queen on 09 Dec 2009 at 7:19 pm #

Sometimes we get asked these “random” questions by perfect strangers because it is something we are meant to contemplate. I am glad that you got the chance to contemplate in, and from that exercise realized how much you DO love Italy, and think of it as home! That is a GOOD feeling!
Jenn AKA The Leftover Queen´s last blog ..Cooking and Hanging Out with ValleyWriter and The Royal Foodie Joust Winners!
The Food Addicts on 22 Dec 2009 at 6:48 pm #

Wow, this totally reminds me of Under the Tuscan Sun, which I just watched last week! I know, it’s such an old movie too! But that’s great that you took the plunge to live in Italy. Things happen for a reason, and it seems like everything has fallen into place for you. BTW, I loved Italy… just went for my honeymoon a few months ago.
Catherine on 22 Dec 2009 at 8:11 pm #

Michelle,

I get the same reaction from a lot of people when they learn that I want to move to Italy. They ask why, and I respond, “well why not?” Anyone who asks that just doesn’t understand and obviously hasn’t been there. I haven’t met anyone who hasn’t fallen in love with Italy after visiting. They just need to experience life there and then they’ll get it. I also get responses like “that’s such a great idea to move there! I wish I could.” It’s all about who you run into and how open-minded they are.

Maybe that lady was jealous!

Catherine
Catherine´s last blog ..A White Christmas Afterall
Em from Ribollita Reboiled on 26 Dec 2009 at 10:24 pm #

well put. I only lived in Florence for a year and people even ask me now “why”. I get so defensive and taken aback, but having read your reply “because I love it”….exactly! I don’t have to have an answer that will satisfy the questioner. That was my reason then, and is my reason now for wanting to go back….BECAUSE WE LOVE IT! I don’t want to be an admirer, I want to live it.

Excellently put

Em from Ribollita Reboiled´s last blog ..Halfway
marissa on 03 Jan 2010 at 2:02 am #

I get that all the time! (I live year-round on a remote Maine island.) I’ve decided that people are subconsciously jealous that they’ve ‘gone mainstream’ without ever experiencing something different. I try not to get mad that they can run to the store when they are out of an essential ingredient!

See now remote Maine island sounds lovely to me too…thanks for coming by!
Brittany on 02 Mar 2010 at 2:51 am #

You must live in lala land because I have lived in Italy for a year and when I weigh the cool parts to the bad one it basically sucks here. Italians in my region barely work so you can never get anything done. They are the laziest people I have ever met and I have met some lazy Americans. I see why there economy sucks. They live off of the Romans success through tourism while they waste away. They are actually considered almost a third world country compared to the other European countries. Every other country I have been to out does Italy ten fold. People who are tourists have no clue what it is really like because you are usually with a tour guide who speaks English. Where I live noone speaks English. People get in recks more here then I have ever seen because they do not follow any road laws. People walk right in front of you and expect you to slam on your breaks. I have had a couple good moments but I reccommend seeing this place and getting the hell out of here. The food sucks compared to Italian American food. America has perfected every cultures food sorry to disappoint you. Italy was my dream place but it is has become a damn nightmare. I would trade places with any of you idiots who would want to leave an amazing country like the U.S. Italy doesn’t have anything the U.S. doesn’t have and the U.S. has way more. God I love America and 24 hour stores and better food and free water and public restrooms for free!!! Tap water that is fresh. People will help you in a heart beat and if you don’t speak English you have options. God Bless the USA!!!
Brittany on 02 Mar 2010 at 3:06 am #

Whoever put why would you want to live in America is a complete moron and needs to get out of the U.S. for damn sure. You obviously have not seen anything and because of that you think your life sucks. You don’t realize what you have. I have an amazing life there it is a real shame for you people who don’t enjoy your freedoms. I think you are very ungrateful and it makes me sick. People in Italy are very stuck up because all they care about is what they where just as much as some Americans do. Their clothes aren’t that great unless you want to pay for over prised shit. I am part Italian and it bothered me at first to get such an awakening thinking Italy would be the answer to my prayers like you all think. It is sad most people don’t live in another country for a year or so because it will allow you to appreciate what you do have. If you are anti America get out! I mean there are way too many people as it is so please come live here in Italy really. I would love to see one of you needing something done at your conveniance and then you realize you can’t get it. I hate stupid people, so if you don’t like to hear the other side of things then come see for yourseld with out a tour guide. You have no protection here from their laws so good luck! Italians immulate just about everything in the U.S. If it wasn’t for our technology, music and progression this country would have nothing.

I’m sorry you’ve had such a horrible time in Italy, but I write about *my* experiences on my blog, and these are those. I see from your IP that you live on a US military base, so you already have many differences in your life from what the rest of us have here. If Italy isn’t your thing, it’s not, and I can respect that, but that’s no reason to be rude and condescending. That’s tacky in any country.