Archive for February, 2008
surviving long distance relationships: guest blogger cherrye’s call for stories
In addition to the 1st of the Month Featured Bloggers, another one of my fancy ideas for the new and improved Bleeding Espresso is to invite someone to come in and guest post on the 15th of every month.
There won’t be many guidelines for my guests–see I’m not a control freak no matter what anyone says–so if you’re interested in posting here, do leave a comment or drop me a line.
You don’t even have to have a blog to guest post, by the way, so send in your idea! Don’t be shy!
The first guest blogger is my fellow American in Calabria who you’ve heard about before, Cherrye of My Bella Vita.
If you haven’t visited Cherrye at her place yet, you should as she’s always good for an enlightening, entertaining story about her Calabrian husband, her oh-so-Calabrian father-in-law, their bed and breakfast, the building of their house, or sometimes, when we’re really lucky, her adorable nephew Cole or small friend of the family Mario (son of Antonino).
I can assure you that Cherrye’s just as funny and lovely and genuine in person, so if you’re ever in southern Italy, you should also think about booking a room at the newly renovated Il Cedro Bed & Breakfast in Catanzaro.
And now here’s Cherrye, keeping with our love theme this week:
A lot has been written about passion, romance, and the quest for true love. So much, in fact, that I hesitate to write this at all. I’ve shared our story, and truth be told, to see it through someone else’s eyes, I do, indeed, see the fairytale.
A tall, dark, handsome knight rushes in to rescue the fair maiden from a life of total hum-drum boredom and her 9-5, bound-for-corporate-hell, day job.
Ah, if it were only that simple. By all outward appearances everything seemed perfect. Two young lovers meet in the City of
The end.
But, life isn’t that simple. Relationships aren’t that simple. Everyone who has even been in love knows this. Relationships are difficult when Boy meets Girl, Boy lives in same city as Girl, Boy speaks same language as Girl, Boy doesn’t have strange, and sometimes impossible to comprehend non-verbal cues that confuse Girl…need I go on?
Now, multiply those difficulties by
Lost in Translation was not just a movie to me. It was my life. And, like all good girls trying to survive a long distance relationship, I called in reinforcements. Many of my “why-is-he-doing-this-let-us-over-analyze-together-or-die” sessions with my girlfriends went the same way.
“Is it because he is a boy?”
“Is it because he is Italian?”
“Is it because (gasp!) something is wrong with us?”
Who knew?
We sure didn’t.
But, we did learn a few things along the way.
So, my question is this:
If relationships truly are hard, which we have established they are, and a couple must commit to working on that relationship day after day, then why did we win the golden ticket?
Many of the problems that arose throughout our five-year relationship were issues ordinary couples see. Sure, we had our jealousies and insecurities, but no more than Same-City Boy and Girl. We argued here and there. Again, no more, no less than the norm. But, we made it.
According to the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships (yes…this is a real place!) the average couple in a long distance relationship lives
Whoa!
I’d have thought I was living with the boy if I’d have seen him that often.
I want to talk about loooooooooooong distance relationships. Like I had. Like many of you had. Like some of you still have.
How do you make those work?
And, that, my friends, is where you come in. After some consideration, a small debate, and, yes, I must admit, a wee bit of “the nag,” Peppe and I have decided to write a book.
A book!
Or, rather a His and Hers Survival Guide to Looooong Distance Relationships. And, we need your help.
Send us your stories, your tips, and your techniques on how to have a successful long distance relationship.
Tell us how far you were. How far you came. How you made it.
Heck! Even if you weren’t in a long distance relationship, send in your ideas and tips for comparison value. Ask your other, notice I did not say better, halves.
While the book is still in the early stages, we know there is a void of this information in the marketplace. I know. I looked. I look forward to hearing from you!
Please send all inquiries, stories, ideas, and tips to:
mybellavita[dot]cicina[at]gmail[dot]com
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[tags]long distance relationships, center for the study of long distance relationships, call for stories, italy, calabria[/tags]
The Heart As Symbol for Love and Valentine’s Day
Ever wonder how the heart became a symbol for love and especially for Valentine’s Day? Well here you go.
Read on...
The Perfect Valentine’s Day Dessert: Chocolate & Peperoncino Mousse
If you’ve never had spicy chocolate, let me assure you that you don’t actually taste the hot pepper–it just gives the chocolate an extra zing, something that tickles your tongue after the rich chocolate taste has passed.
Read on...expat countdown meme
My fellow American in Calabria, Cherrye of My Bella Vita, did this meme a looooong time ago, but I’m just getting around to it.
She got it from Expat Travels: From Switzerland to Canada (where I saw it as well) who got it from The CanadianSwiss Blog…and as I’ve been promising Diane of Martinis for Two that I’d talk a bit more about my expat feelings, I figured now was as good a time as any to do this one.
* Name 5 things you love in your new country:
- Knowing that a neighbor always has something I need–parsley, lemons, tomatoes, gossip (yes, even things I don’t need!).
- The sea, the sea, the beautiful Ionian Sea and the mountains, the mountains, the gorgeous mountains–all from my balcony!
- Fresh, organic food that is readily available and relatively inexpensive.
- Clean, fresh air.
- Not having to worry about health insurance.
* Name 4 things that you miss from your native country:
- My family and friends, of course.
- Ethnic food of any kind other than Italian/Calabrian.
- Jeans that I like and that fit me well.
- American sports, especially watching my Duke Blue Devils this time of year (and especially *especially* when they beat Carolina).
* Name 3 things that annoy you a bit (or much) in your new country:
- Silvio Berlusconi.
- The pathetic salaries in sharp contrast to the high cost of living.
- Did I mention Berlusconi?
* Name 2 things that surprise you (or have surprised you in the beginning) in your new country:
- How difficult it has been to get to know Italian women as friends.
- The entire Italian education system, including how long it takes many to get through university.
* Name 1 thing that you would terribly miss in your new country, if you had to leave it.
- Well, P of course, but also the Italian language. I’m not sure I could do without it anymore. I came here knowing nothing, but now I’m addicted.
Fellow expats, do play along!
But hey, even if you’ve moved from one place to another within the same country, I’d be interested to read your answers to this meme–sometimes moving within a country can feel just as foreign as hopping the pond.
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[tags]expats, italy, expats in italy, memes[/tags]
40 Before 40
I wrote out a “40 before 40” list (that’s shorthand for “40 things to do before I turn 40”) around the time of my 30th birthday in 2006, but I didn’t have a blog yet.
So since I believe in telling the universe what I want (or at least telling the blogosphere), without further ado:
40 before 40
1. Get married. I’m aiming to do this with P, and hopefully before the age of 33. The actual planning and family logistics are putting this on hold for now.
2. Start a family. Again, with P, and for the first new member to be in my arms by the age of 35.
3. Make a family recipe book. I’m thinking recipes from my mom, my grandmother, P’s mom, other relatives, and us. And any other ones I like, since, you know, I’m the author and all.
4. Establish traditions for holidays. Thanksgiving and Fourth of July are the biggies for me to incorporate because they aren’t normally celebrated here. All the others are important too, but I want to be sure my children get the American holiday feel as much as possible.
5. Knit/crochet/cross-stitch gifts. First I have to learn how to knit and crochet, and then we can work on the gifts. I’m set on the cross-stitching, though…now to find the time!
6. Read The 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 1990-2000. Standing in the way is accessibility and cost since I have access to precisely no public libraries, but we’ll do our best. Online options will help this quest.
7. Read Time’s All-Time 100 Novels. Ditto for the commentary on #6.
8. Read classic and modern Italian literature in Italian. Boccaccio and Dante up to Eco and Calvino. I want to be able to read Italian as quickly as I read English. It could happen. [I’ve begun!]
9. Learn another language. I’m thinking French. German doesn’t count because I’ve already taken a year of it in college. If it so inspires me to continue, well, I won’t count that as new anyway. So probably French, possibly Lithuanian, Greek if I’m feeling extra frisky.
10. Start a blog. This one must happen within the next year or two. [It did! You’re looking at it!]
11. Get novel published. Must finish one first.
12. Organize photos into albums/scrapbooks. First I have to get all that stuff here. That alone will probably take the better part of the next 10 years.
13. Get everything out of storage, selling what needs to go, and getting everything I want in Italy here. See commentary to #12. I’m going to have a make a trip to the U.S. to just take care of that stuff, but it needs to be done.
14. Go to Hawaii. Does this need an explanation?
15. Go to Australia. P’s got relatives there, so that would cut costs, right?
16. Find family villages in Lithuania and Germany and visit. This will take a major genealogical search, and it’d be nice if I received a little blessing from the Family Tree Fairies. Of course then perhaps I should reconsider my commentary on #9.
17. Pick up the flute again. And then I could join a Calabrese band!
18. Keep a well-tended garden. P’s got a head start here, but I’d like to have flowers in addition to vegetables, even if I only have them on my balcony. P, practical Calabrian that he is, doesn’t really get my desire to grow and tend to flowers.
19. Make sure I can make all the dishes P makes. We split the cooking duties, so there are certain things he always makes, but I want to know the secrets too. And then I’ll put ’em in the family recipe book (see #3).
20. Learn and practice photography. An in-person course would probably be difficult to come by here, but thank goodness for the Internet–and I have a lot of good inspiration for pictures.
21. Send out real birthday cards and letters. No more e-cards for the important people, and I really need to write out and send more snail mail.
22. Study more world history. Being American, I feel greatly undernourished on the meal of the rest of the world’s history. I need to study up, especially on Europe.
23. Learn Italian and/or American sign language. Going to have to do this one within the next couple years because I want to teach any future baby.
24. Be in the house we’ll be in for the long haul. I want to be settled in the house our children will grow up in.
25. Have that house completely as I want it (at that moment). I will probably look to change things up every couple years since I get bored easily, but I just want everything major in place and working, even if styles may change.
26. Get to and maintain my ideal weight. I’m pretty much there, but the main part of this is to stay there. Super-skinny isn’t the goal by any means, but I do hope to be at the right weight according to the BMI and an appropriate waist-to-hip ratio (*healthy*).
27. Only have clothes and shoes that we actually wear. Anything that’s so grossly out of style that we’d never wear it cannot take up room in our limited storage space.
28. Still be hugging and kissing P every day. I don’t want this to change.
29. Still be dancing in the kitchen on a regular basis. Not saying we do this every day, but it’s often enough that I don’t want it to stop.
30. Singing more (and with the (hopeful) kid(s)). I love to sing, and I want to validate that. I do have to find more music to sing along to, which I suppose is like #30(a).
31. Get caught up on classic movies. I really should have seen movies like Casablanca, The Philadelphia Story, Rebel Without a Cause, etc., by now. Lucky for me, SKY has a great classics movie channel. I’m working on it.
32. Take some sort of course on something in some way. Subject could be photography (see #20), language (#9), world history (#22), or something I haven’t even considered yet. But I want to learn more about something in an organized way with a teacher who knows the material well. I miss school. There I said it.
33. Have savings. Doesn’t have to be in a bank and it doesn’t have to be a lot, but extra cash in case of emergency would be a really nice thing. [I’m on my way!]
34. Go to a Broadway show. Yes, I’ve already seen several (The Phantom of the Opera is my favorite), but the fact that I live in Italy now doesn’t make it as accessible as it once was. If we have children, and they are of a certain age by the time I’m 40, it’d be nice for them to go too.
35. Paint/draw more, with more actual knowledge of what I’m doing. I’d like to learn how to do watercolors, in particular.
36. See the Grand Canyon. I’ve never been, and P would love this too.
37. Visit Yosemite National Park. Ditto commentary to #36.
38. Have a real vacation where I don’t worry about anything. Can’t remember the last time I just lounged on a beach not worrying about a freaking thing. I hope that can happen again, although the beach isn’t necessary–a mountain cabin would work fine too.
39. Vegas. See commentary to #36.
40. Study all major religions (and even some minor ones if there’s time). I know a lot about Catholicism but not everything. And I know a little about a lot of other religions. But I’d like to know more.
After I typed this out, I realized there are actually so many more things for me to do before 40. Guess I’ll just have to live longer then.
What’s on your “(X) before (X)” list?
Michelle Kaminsky is an American attorney-turned-freelance writer who lived in her family's ancestral village in Calabria, Italy for 15 years. This blog is now archived.
Calabria Guidebook
Recipes
